Recently, I realized somewhat belatedly that my condo neighbour hadn’t been paying over the past year for the parking space that he rents from us. I started to imagine all kinds of negative scenarios about why this would be, along the lines of his taking advantage of our not noticing. But I decided to try and keep an open mind, and when I approached him about it, it turned out he’d had so much going on that he’d simply forgotten. He was very apologetic and contrite and paid the full amount promptly. We moved on to other topics and positive relations were restored.
I think there’s much to be said for giving someone the benefit of the doubt, as well as initiating direct and clear communication, rather than making up all kinds of assumptions about what might be going on. We all seem to be so quick to judge one another these days, sometimes on the basis of images we’ve seen online or other kinds of unsubstantiated evidence.
Without doubt, the ability to communicate technologically in such a myriad of ways has countless advantages and benefits, but the downside of doing so with such regularity is that we’re rapidly losing our ability to communicate meaningfully face-to-face, and even less so with patience, kindness or compassion.
Our online activities have primed us towards transactional interactions delivered swiftly, and this level of expectation often migrates to face-to-face interactions, forgetting that people don’t operate like machines and that we need to allow for human idiosyncrasies and error. Individuals might also act erratically due to health issues or personal circumstances. I’m not saying all manner of behaviour is excusable, but to try and approach a situation accounting for human variables.
We’re also losing the capacity to just hang out and enjoy each other’s company, to respond sensitively to the physical cues of an environment and one another, and to allow for silence to be present without rushing in to fill the space.
One of the better things about the holiday season is that people tend to reach out more to one another in various thoughtful, heartfelt ways, not only family and friends, but also displaying more of an openness and generosity to strangers and those in need.
We should always strive for clarity, kindness and respect in our communication, to try and see the other person’s point of view and to approach one another with empathy, rather than condemnation. This time of year in particular encourages us to make more of an effort to be nicer and more compassionate with one another.
But remember that communicating – with kindness – is for life, not just for Christmas. 🎁