This month, I volunteered once again at a local theatre fringe festival, one of my favourite events of the year. In exchange for completing 6 shifts, I was given a pass allowing me free entry to as many shows as I wished. Over the course of a week and a half, I saw 34 productions and was immersed in a wealth of talent and creativity expressed through story, song, dance, puppetry and immersive acting.
The performances that were the most compelling for me were those that reached out and made a meaningful connection with the audience. Some shows, on the other hand, were more vested on delivering a rant or venting unresolved problems. This kind of communication is problematic for me both on and off stage.
Most recently at another place where I regularly volunteer, I had a supervisor rage at me for something I had supposedly done wrong. For me, her unrelenting monologue seemed more about her reasserting her authority, rather than adhering to the collaborative approach I had become accustomed to in this community-run venture. When I asked that she at least consider her tone of voice before speaking, she unequivocally refused to do so.
When someone speaks at you and not to you, what they are really expressing is insecurity and a loss of control. This reassertion of power can be quite hurtful to another person and builds resentment and disassociation. It is also unnecessary and counterproductive to getting something done effectively and to creating a harmonious environment.
I think the sad thing these days is that we have more ways than ever to communicate, and yet, are regressing in our ability to engage with each other as human beings. With the commodification of online interactions and a relative lack of virtual accountability, we sometimes forget that the people we are speaking to ‘in real life’ are not inanimate machines to be objectified, but are sentient beings with feelings and vulnerabilities.
And as online platforms offer us the ability to control a one-way conversation, we are also losing the ability to listen to and interpret one another’s non-verbal signals and body language.
We hold our phones up as shields, showing that we are busy and engaged, but in truth, as a society, we are chronically more lonely than ever. While we are privileged in our ability to communicate world-wide through so many media, we should not lose sight of cultivating artful communication – speaking and listening with kindness and compassion, with the goal of making meaningful connections with one another.
It is this dance of empathy and understanding that that can make us feel uplifted and accepted, and is the pathway to the deeper relationships we all desire and need to live a more soulful life.